Reflections on ADHD, fear and taking small risks
Inspired by a recent talk by Dr Ned Hallowell on the No. 1 ADHD Expert podcast, I’ve been reflecting a lot on fear this past week.
A couple of experiences in both my personal life and work prompted this reflection. Fear can have a powerful impact on how we live our lives. It can quietly hold us back from doing things we might enjoy or benefit from.
For instance, during a recent training course I noticed myself feeling fearful about sharing my personal and professional thoughts in the group. It felt exposing. I became aware of a familiar worry that others might judge me for my feelings or ideas — an old pattern that goes back a long way.
In those moments, a younger part of me wanted to disappear or hide, just as I remember wanting to hide under tables in public places as a child.
Recently, through developing a strong interest in neurodiversity, autism and ADHD, I’ve begun to recognise that many of these experiences may be connected to my own ADHD traits, and possibly AuDHD.
Understanding ADHD in adulthood can suddenly make sense of many long-standing struggles.
For example:
• masking or trying to appear “normal” in social situations
• feeling paralysed when trying to start tasks
• difficulties with organisation and communication
• being misunderstood in work environments
• struggles in relationships due to miscommunication
• sensitivity to rejection or perceived rejection
• running late or overcompensating by being extremely early
Many adults with ADHD or late-diagnosed ADHD describe similar patterns throughout their lives. What once felt like personal failure can begin to make sense through a neurodiversity lens.
I was also reminded recently of how powerful fear can be when watching someone I care deeply about struggle to take the first step towards change. The fear of getting things “exactly right” or the fear of doing the wrong thing can be incredibly paralysing.
Fear can stop us from truly living.
It can prevent us from going to an event where we might meet new people or discover new perspectives.
It can stop us from trying something new — an exercise class, a creative activity, or a hobby — because we’re worried about getting it wrong.
It can stop us applying for a job because we’re afraid of rejection.
Fear showed up for me again recently in familiar ways.
In work:
“Everyone else on this course is better than me.”
In personal life:
“What will happen if I express my feelings here?”
Years ago during my counselling training, I told a tutor that I felt deeply uncomfortable in large groups. She responded with a simple but powerful question:
“What might happen if you take the risk anyway?”
So I tried.
I allowed myself to feel uncomfortable in the group and to speak up anyway.
And do you know what? It wasn’t nearly as bad as I feared.
Over time I came to accept something important:
I am not everyone’s cup of tea — and that’s OK.
After years of people-pleasing, this felt surprisingly freeing.
For many adults with ADHD, fear can be closely connected to past experiences of criticism, rejection, or feeling misunderstood. Over time this can lead to avoidance, perfectionism, or feeling overwhelmed by everyday decisions.
But small risks — taken gently and compassionately — can help us move forward.
So perhaps the question becomes:
Where might fear be holding you back right now?
And what might change if you allowed yourself to take just one small step anyway?
ADHD Counselling and Support
If you’re living with adult ADHD, late-diagnosed ADHD, or ADHD-related overwhelm, counselling can provide a supportive space to explore how your mind works and how to move forward with greater understanding and self-compassion.
I offer ADHD-informed counselling in Ludlow, Shropshire and online across the UK, working with adults who may be struggling with overwhelm, relationships, emotional regulation, self-esteem or feeling “behind in life”.
You’re very welcome to get in touch if you’d like to explore this further.
#AdultADHD
#ADHDAwareness
#LateDiagnosedADHD
#ADHDWomen
#Neurodiversity
#ADHDLife